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Order is Atrophy

This is 1 out of 7 pieces

This ended up a long letter. This is about me and my art.

When I started this series of paintings I didn’t know exactly what I would be creating. For a long time I have felt that in the process of learning about art my work had lost some of its voice. I wanted to reclaim the feeling of catharsis and enjoyment that I felt when I first got seriously into painting. So I started from nothing. No sketches, minimal reference, no drawings, no rules. Just painting and exploration. Anything that I did not connect with emotionally I threw away or destroyed until it worked.

From this place of chaotic freedom I created several pieces over the course of two months. After they were done, I spent a few weeks looking at them trying to decide what I had created. Had I created anything cohesive at all? Is that important? Should I share these?

As a rule I never talk about what my art is about. I believe very firmly that the moment you put art out into the world it takes on a life of its own. Each person who connects with my art creates a new story about it that they take with them out into the world. We all experience the world differently. Where one person sees an emotionally charged moment in their life another will see an interesting take on anatomy.

These pieces are different. I can’t share these without discussing my own point of view. While these pieces started as nothing but chaos they have meaning to me. These pieces are a part of my story, my discomfort, and my journey towards accepting myself as a queer, non-binary person.

A few years ago Anohni said: “It’s a quandary. But the trans condition is a beautiful mystery; it’s one of nature’s best ideas. What an incredible impulse, that compels a five-year-old child to tell its parents it isn’t what they think it is. Given just a tiny bit of oxygen, those children can flourish and be such a gift. They give other people licence to explore themselves more deeply, allowing the colours in their own psyche to flourish.”

These pieces are harrowingly personal and leave me vulnerable in a way that I have avoided my whole life. But it’s time to move forward free of this armour I’ve been nailing on over the years. Art has always been here for me when the world seems darkest. My hope is that by making art, by sharing my experiences, that people can find comfort in their own identity.